


Trying

by JanaRumpandRCJawnn (JanaRumpandRCJawwn)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 17:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9134656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanaRumpandRCJawwn/pseuds/JanaRumpandRCJawnn
Summary: Keyleth wished things could be as simple as making a choice and not having to worry about what would come next. The thing was, that wasn’t what it happened. If you made a hard choice, a complex one, you gotta make it work.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vehlr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vehlr/gifts).



Keyleth wished things could be as simple as making a choice and not having to worry about what would come next. The thing was, that wasn’t what it happened. If you made a hard choice, a complex one, you gotta make it work. 

And making this thing between her, Vax and Gilmore work wasn’t always easy. No matter how hard they tried - and by everything they tried - there was always something happening to screw them over. 

Now, it was the fact she had to return to her home, she had a position there, she couldn’t spend the rest of her days as a wandering adventurer. The Ashari needed her and Keyleth needed them. Vax had told her he would come with her, he would stay there and they would grow old and gray together. Not that either of them had ever thought this moment would come, but it had. He had said that long ago, before Thordak was defeated, so long ago that neither of them had considered anything but that. It was just something they would do, they didn’t even gave it much thought. 

Keyleth had been so happy to go back to her people, laughing as the three of them had a lazy morning. She had realized that when a letter from Cerkonos informed her the Fire Ashari had solved their last problems and wouldn’t need her assistance in it. That was the last major issue she'd had to attend to. She had smiled so bright, turning to the two of them with the letter in one hand and her arms spread open wide.

“The Fire Ashari won’t be needing our help after all. This means I can finally return home! I can go back to the Air Ashari!”

Vax had beamed a smile back, jumping onto his feet and rushing towards her, hugging the druid and spinning her in the air.

“That’s fucking fantastic, Kiki!” 

They giggled together before he put her back onto the floor. Keyleth’s eyes had then moved to Shaun, who was smiling too but as so many times before there was also hurt beneath it. His words came out in his Glorious Gilmore persona and it hurt her to hear it. 

“That’s so great, Keyleth!” He clapped his hand together. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you there, my loves, since the store requires my whole attention. But I’m sure I can put a transportation circle connecting your place to my store, right?”

Vax turned to him seeming a bit sad and worried now, and they both knew how easily he could go into a depressive mood, how easily Vax could make stupid decisions when things started going bad. So Keyleth walked over to Shaun and held his hand before turning to Vax.

“Yes, that would be great. I’m sure things will work out just perfect.”

Even if deep down she wasn’t so sure.

-

They moved back to her village within a month. It was a celebration full of mixed feelings. Her people were so delighted to have her back, there was relief in her father’s face (she wasn’t like her mom, she came back to them) and sadness in her friends. They all watched and helped bring their stuff to the house Keyleth made with her magic. Shaun was distant through all of it, helping them set everything but not as affectionate as he usually was. Not once he kissed either of them in front of her people, only held her hand when she took his. By the end of the night, when their whole group was exhausted and slightly drunk, Keyleth found Gilmore sitting outside staring at the moon and the stars. 

“So, do you like our new place?” She tried to sound optimistic.

“It’s wonderful. It suits you a lot, your people obviously care a lot about you and are proud of what you achieved. You'll be a great leader, Keyleth. I think it will do Vax’ildan good too, it’s going to be really hard for him to get into trouble here.”

“I’m sure he will find a way to do something stupid and dangerous anyway. Besides, with the transportation circle he's gonna have a free path to Emon, and we both know Vax will sneak out of your sight to get into trouble.” Just thinking about that made her smile, both of them were so dear to her.

Shaun sighed deeply, looking downwards and clasping his hands together. Keyleth could feel the worry consuming her, this was not the sort of reaction she was expecting. 

“Shaun, what’s the matter?” 

“You talked to your father about the possibility of establishing a circle of transportation here, but then after some talk we realized it would be a risk to the Air Ashari. Anyone that knows the runes could come here anytime, and I wouldn’t want to expose your people to any unnecessary danger.” 

She bit her lip, because she wanted to say it wasn't like that, but she also knew her people did need that protection. Even if she had tried to avoid making a name for herself, Vox Machina had killed the Chroma Conclave, and she was a part of Vox Machina. Someone somewhere probably had something against her for that. Or perhaps someone that had no relation to the dragons, perhaps someone completely random, she couldn’t know the effect every single one of her actions had had. She squeezed his shoulder, and Shaun turned to her with one of those smiles with hurt underneath.

“We'll find a way.” Her voice sounded so much more confident and determined than she actually felt. The idea of not having Shaun near them was so frightening. “There must be some magic for us to use.”

“Hey, what are you guys talking about?” Vax’s startled both of them, making them turn to face the rogue who was wearing his sleepwear already. 

She bit her lip harder, hand holding the human’s shoulder tighter. Shaun explained to Vax, still with a smile on his lips and trying to not sound hurt, but it was obvious. The rogue walked over to where they where sitting and hugged them tight. Keyleth grabbed onto his back, pressing her face to Gilmore’s chest, and felt tears starting to stream down her face. They were supposed to be happy now, no more of this bullshit. Gilmore didn’t say a word, but she could feel the rings on his fingers pressed to her back as he clutched at it, pulling Vax and her closer. Vax’ildan’s voice was so soft whispering to them that they would find a way to fix this, that they were fucking brilliant. 

Keyleth wanted to have as much faith as him. 

\--

Needless to say things didn’t work out as she'd hoped. 

Having Vax around everyday helped a lot, but then again for the last years there hadn’t been a day in which Vax wasn’t around. When they were going on adventures, when they started dating. Now felt too much like the beginning, just the two of them most of the time, with the occasional visit from Shaun. And it felt wrong. She wanted to fix it, but there was no solution. Keyleth could not risk her people, and besides of her plain shift them every day (which she couldn’t because preparing to become a leader didn’t leave her with a lot of time in her hands). 

It was so frustrating that it almost made her miss fighting to save the day, surely back then she would've found a way to do something to help. 

The worst night was also the one that changed everything. 

Keyleth couldn’t tell why this one was so much worse than all those before. Perhaps it had been Vax unable to really sleep, dreaming of dragons and death. She had those dreams too, dreams of what the fire Ashari had seen when Thordak left the Fire Plane. That night Vax was pacing around their small house, in silence and looking vaguely disconnected from the reality. Keyleth couldn’t close her eyes either, the harsh day having left her anxious. She had walked out of their room to find Vax sitting on a corner then, juggling with one of his daggers - the flametongue one, judging by the light bathing the room. He looked up to her, seeming so tired and a bit lost. Keyleth stepped closer and sat next to him on the ground.

“I killed him, I got my revenge, and the motherfucker still mocks me in my dreams.” He was so frustrated. “I see Shaun in flames, I see the meteor shower from the other fucker raining down on you and my sister.” His voice broke up a bit, and he hid his face on her shoulder. Keyleth threw her arm over his shoulders, hugging him to try and help him calm down. 

She wished for Scanlan or Pike or even Percy to be there. They would know what to say. She wasn’t as wise, all she could do was hold him for a while, and then kiss his lips softly. Vax seemed to relax after a while, and when they parted he managed to look more composed. She gave him a weak smile and whispered to him the vain affirmations that it would all be fine. 

It was hard convincing him of that though, and he stared at her with that serious expression of his.

“I knew this thing with the three of us wouldn’t work out. I fucked up too bad with Shaun back then, I don’t deserve the two of you.”

Keyleth took a deep breath, and considered just slapping him for being so self deprecating. She knew it was beyond his control, but sometimes she just wanted him to realize things weren’t always going to end up badly. 

“Stop saying things like that. We chose you, and we're gonna make this work even if I have to create a new spell for it. I have my doubts too Vax, but acting like we already lost is fucking stupid.” She made sure to mimic his voice in the last bit. 

Her lover sighed deeply before going back to pressing his face to her shoulder, shaking a bit. She held him tighter, and when he spoke up, dumb tears left her eyes to accompany his that were dampening her skin. 

“I just miss him, I miss when things were simple. I want to make the two of you happy and I worry so much you’re both only doing this for my sake.” 

“Well, I can guarantee I’m not doing it just for you. Though me and Shaun do not go all sexual like you guys do, I love him my way. So yes, we started it because you loved us both, but neither of us would have continued only for that.” 

He groaned something she didn't bother to parse out, and they stayed there as Keyleth tried to solve a puzzle that didn’t seem to be fixable. 

\--

The solution to their problem ended up being both simpler and less obvious than either of them had expected. It was one of those rare days in which they managed to go visit Shaun on his store, this time being more of a surprise after having first passed by Pike on her temple and then Scanlan’s house. Shaun’s new store was very similar to the first one, though the building was larger - his own place being bigger now, with more space and some luxury. 

They went in without ceremony. Sherri actually seemed happy to see them, smiling and coming at once to pat their shoulders, but the she dropped the cheer and practically hissed.

“I should not let you two see him. But well, that's not my call, so please wait here as I get Gilmore.”

Keyleth would be offended if she wasn’t already feeling guilty herself. They hadn’t come to see Shaun in weeks, barely sending messages to him through magical means, life was just too crazy. Vax dealt with the other far better.

“Love you too, Sherri.” He bellowed, before leaning against the counter and starting to play with some trinkets laying there. 

Keyleth stood there feeling a bit awkward, by now unused to all this, and still she could see the little details that she was sure were there as a reminder of them. Shaun’s old shop didn’t have this many plants, nor did it actually have ravens flying around as messengers. 

She was expecting their lover to make a grand entrance, but instead his assistant came back and told them Gilmore would see them in his room. Keyleth and Vax exchanged looks of worry, it wasn’t like Shaun to be this subtle, the last time he had been this quiet had been back in Whitestone, when he was withering himself away making the magical barrier. 

The door was ajar, and their lover was sitting on the bed dressed in somewhat simple robes, seeming a bit anxious. He smiled openly before getting up and walking over, grabbing the half elves on a tight hug, actually lifting them off the ground. She laughed and kissed his cheek, while Vax kissed Shaun’s lips. It almost felt completely perfect and normal, but when they moved away there was this stillness and slight tension between them. She couldn’t stay in silence though, couldn't just keep waiting, so she held his hand. 

“We are so, so sorry, Gilmore. We never meant for this to happen like it has.” She was nervous, and a bit anxious too. Even if Shaun would never really say how this was probably making him mad. 

The arcanist touched her cheeks, before smiling openly and somewhat conspiratory. Then he turned and grabbed two rolled up carpets, his smile so big and so honest. Vax frowned at first but, before he could tease the other man about it, Shaun rolled out one of the carpets and she could see its runes glowing softly. 

“I still don’t know how this solution evaded my mind when we first encountered the problem, but once I thought of it, there was still a chance it wouldn’t work and enchantments like this take forever to make and I didn’t want us to have vain hopes. Anyway, after a long - and not as exciting as any of yours - quest, I got an actual solution. These nice carpets here are like gateways, but they only open if you know a particular set of words and some other arcane measures to keep them as safe as I can make them.”

He said it all in one go, and though he tried to look very composed and in control it was obvious to the other two how nervous he really was. As Keyleth smiled Vax spoke over her, teasing tone in his voice.

“Well, purple doesn’t match a lot of our decoration but it will have to do.” 

She worried about a misunderstanding for a moment, but then Shaun smiled openly before teasing back. 

“I’ll do you two a favor and help with the rest of the decoration. Since you obviously need it.” 

Keyleth grinned and held both of them while her lovers hugged each other, and it felt so right to have Gilmore’s larger and warmer body near theirs. He should have never left, of that she couldn’t be more sure.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the person who receives this enjoys reading it as much as I enjoyed writing.  
> They are my a really nice relationship and I wanted to write something nice for them.  
> Feel free to leave kudos and comments.  
> Kissus


End file.
